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Blogiversary Post // What NYC Taught Me In A Year


Why revisit the past? You're not heading in that direction.


^ things I would always tell myself. 
But lately? I've been thinking otherwise. I used to be that kind of girl who felt ashamed of constantly thinking about the past. In a sense, it made me feel weak. However... revisiting the past doesn't mean you're weak -- just to be clear. It doesn't mean that you're "holding" on to what you used to think was good. And that you'll never find anything good again.

Revisiting the past shows me how far I've come. 
How strong of a woman I've become and how the people in my past, the situations I've gone through, and moments where I felt hopeless... none of those have a hold on me. 
I've let it go. I've let THEM go.

Revisiting the past has shown me how strong of a person I am... and how much further I have yet to go. 

Not only am I celebrating my 8TH BLOGIVERSARY, but also my 1-YEAR ANNIVERSARY since I've moved to New York City.

Today, I'm sharing what New York City has taught me in a year.


Even though I kind of touched on a couple of subjects in this post, I wanted to highlight a couple of more. 


1. FRIENDSHIPS

I've always been a picky and careful person when it comes to friendships. Growing up, I feel like I always let in the wrong people, and allowed myself to give in to certain situations because I was too nice. All that stopped when I started realizing my own self-worth. Living in NYC has taught me to really value friendships, and understand that there are other people out there that are struggling with the same things we are. I forget that we aren't always alone, and even sharing things that make us 'vulnerable' can allow us to become stronger. And all it takes is to give that friendship a chance.


2. RELATIONSHIPS

For someone who's been more of an independent person all her life, relationships have always been something I've been guarded about. I don't just let anyone in. I've gone through heartbreaks in my past, and in a way, disciplined myself to get over them. Some of them took way longer than others, but the point is... I'm very careful with who I let in. I've always dreamt of wanting someone who fully gets me, understands me, fights for me, and supports me. No arguments, happiness, butterflies... 
and then I realized a relationship isn't just the good. It's also the bad. 
It's being able to handle some of the worst situations with someone else, and both understanding that through communication, it's possible to overcome it. Or if not, being mature enough or respecting one another to let go and move on.
NYC taught me my strengths and weaknesses when it comes to relationships, and how I'm still working on it. That I may not fully be where I need to be with it, but in time...  I will. 


3. PRESSURE TO BE DOING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING 

Comparison is the thief of joy. 
I fall victim to the comparison game in NYC. It's so easy to let that get under your skin. It's frustrated me more times than I can care to remember, and I've hated how it's made me feel. Like I need to be doing everything. Or that I'm weak for not feeling confident in myself. I feel this pressure to always be on top of my game here, and I've put my health and my happiness on the line sometimes. 
NYC taught me how to say no and not feel like I need to do anything and everything just because everyone around me is. 


4. SELF-CARE

I learned the importance of self-care. And how valuable it can change your mindset, your actions, and everything else in between when you start caring for yourself and respecting who you are as a person and what you stand for. I've had to learn some of it the hard way, and it's made my decisions easier to make. Sometimes you need to let people go because you respect yourself enough to walk away or let them walk away.
Not everyone comes in your life to stay. And you need to learn to be okay with that.

I think a big part of self-care came into play, when I started attending events more. I started meeting more people from different backgrounds, places, jobs, etc. And dealing with people that are hard to work with is not easy. I really feel like I put myself out there this past year, and it's been one of the scariest and yet uplifting feelings yet.

Going through things you never thought you'd go through will only take you places you never thought you'd get to. 


5. REMIND YOURSELF OF WHAT YOU'VE GONE THROUGH

I'm stubborn in the sense that I tend to focus on the bad things and the problems I'm going through, and then disregarding all the good and things I am grateful for. However, when reflecting back, I couldn't help but smile at all the trips I've been able to go on, the memories I've created, the people I've met, and even situations where God has closed doors and I felt like it was the end of the world.
I mean, even going to Paris has been on my bucket list, and I was able to experience it.
Or going to Seattle for the first time.

I think something I definitely don't appreciate enough is doing what I love in the City that I love the most. Especially coming right out of college, making a life out of that in the real world, and doing that all by myself. I tend to be hard on myself, but I think the balance comes in when you also acknowledge and appreciate how far you've come to get there. When I first moved to New York, I had a far commute from the City. It definitely was not easy. I spent more time commuting on buses or subways than actually living life. I sucked it up because rent here is no joke, and I learned to budget like nobody's business. Moving into Manhattan was the best decision for me in the end, but it took a year for me to get there. 



As I bring this blog post to a close, I wanted to really focus on this.
My 1-year may be coming to a close, but a new door is opening.
We're entering a new season, leaves are changing, the air is getting cooler, and as much as I'd love to admit I'm feeling better about where I'm going and what's to come, truth is... I'm not.
I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm anxious because I'm still trying to figure it out.
I still don't know. But the question is: will we ever completely know what we're doing?

Except this time, I'm not alone.
I have people who support me. I have my faith to guide me. And I believe in myself that no matter what happens, I will learn to be happy with what's next.

Here's to eight years. 
And year TWO in New York City.

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