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Opening Up About What's Been On My Mind...

Most people would probably think I'm an open book.

However, I do not share everything in my life.
With blogging and my life displayed on Instagram and other social platforms, I find a balance between what I should share... and also what I shouldn't share. Growing up in high school and college with a public audience, I've learned how to best balance that. 
Why is that important? Because not everything in life needs to be shared. There are special moments that have greater value when kept between you and that party. One of my best friends taught me the importance of that. 

The reason why I wanted to bring up today's blog post was because there's something I've been really hesitant about sharing. 

And that is... my new job.

I want to be as honest and transparent as possible with you guys. I try my best to balance that because I know how important that is to me. However, more and more, I've been receiving a lot of questions on my weekly schedule, what I do in NYC, if I'm still full-time blogging, or if I have a job. 

The reason why I didn't want to talk about it was because I felt the need to keep my work life and blog life separate. Every morning on the subways, I pondered on how I could best get this message across. It was constantly bothering me. And it's been a struggle trying to figure it out. 
I was concerned with any overlap and what it could potentially do to me. However, I've realized it was hurting me more to hold something like this in, than be open about it.
And that, says alot. 

It felt like I was giving up on myself. Quite possibly one of my biggest fears in life. And because it made me feel so many emotions, I felt like I needed to distract myself from it all.

There were days where I felt like a failure -- not pursuing my blog full-time like I had wanted last year -- and days where I felt like I no longer knew what I wanted. It's a vicious cycle to go through when you're constantly doubting yourself and where you are in life. 

I felt a lot of pressure with having to be at X and doing Y, and didn't realize that by keeping it in, I was taking a toll on my health. After really thinking about my situation, I realized that it was worth sharing. Many of you guys are coming right out of college (or recently graduated), and about to head into the real world with a job. Or probably dealing with the same situation I'm in now. Since I spent a year working full-time for myself, I never really had that experience working a full-time office job. And even though I have the experience needed for it, it's definitely been a challenge for me. I hate admitting it, but I keep reminding myself that without my blogging career, my chances of getting this job wouldn't have been as easy. I am so thankful to have started my blog, and there is no way that will be going away forever. At least not any time soon. 

How I see it is that this is my transition period. 
Where I'm learning to pursue other interests, passions, another career stepping stone. It's not like I'm going to give up blogging altogether, but I also realize that I need to put in my full attention to something greater than myself. Helping others achieve that same level of growth. Understanding what it means to work in an office, work with people, and train myself to be strong mentally and physically in a working NYC environment. So far, I've learned a lot. I've also learned how stubborn I can be, and how that is something I am continuing to work on. 

There are still days where I feel like I don't know what I'm doing and where I'll be five years from now, but I'm learning to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. 
Step by step. Little by little.

I think it's so important to surround yourself with people who not only support you, but also inspire you. Especially in situations like this, you need it. 

I wanted to share this story because I knew how relatable it could be for those of you about to enter the real world with a job, and how scary that can be.

You don't have to have it all figured out for your first job. I promise you, you don't. Just be willing to give it your best and go at it with the mindset that you want to learn and grow. Have an open mind. Be willing to step outside your comfort zone.

You honestly never know what could come out of it.

I'm the social media coordinator for Velvet Caviar, and it's honestly been quite an experience so far.
I'm grateful for this job and I'm looking forward to seeing what is in store for me. 

Thank you for reading.
I hope this was helpful!

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